My Plastic Fantasy
by Confureku
Summary: Rated for possible language. First add one strange after christmas present from strange parents, next mix in an unusally intelligent cat, add a pinch of LotR action figures and a sprinkle of magic and bake for a week. LotR version of my Inuyasha one.


Okay, this is going to sound weird, but either I've lost my mind, or I just had the weirdest week ever recorded in the entire history in the world. Okay, maybe not THE weirdest (I exaggerated), but it's certainly up there with odd weeks. My parents had decided that it would be fun to go to Hawaii for two weeks and so far I had been alone for one of those weeks. It had been uneventful. There were snowstorms around the state, but for the most part I'd only gotten a light dusting.

It was mid January and so the snow was nothing unusual, but my parents going away was. It amazed me that they'd left me alone. I'm seventeen, but they tend to be overly protective. But now that I think of it, my parents have never been normal. They weren't complete weirdo's, but normal would be too generous a word. For instance, they ate their cereal with orange juice, thought that vanilla wafers were their own food group (which meant that you had to have at least five of them every day), and talked to our cat as though he were a human being. Now, I don't necessarily blame them for that whole talking to the cat thing, as he is unusually intelligent. When he looks at you it's like he psychologically profiling you to see if you're going to be the next big serial killer. Not only that but somehow he's figured out how to open doors, but I digress.

The point is, my parents are………………well………………….. strange at best. However, this year they gave me an "after-Christmas" present. Now, you'd think that this would not seem strange to me, as most things didn't ever since I caught them re-enacting the revolutionary war with a snowman army, two horses, and swords (don't ask me where they got them), however it was very unlike them to do something like get me an extra present after Christmas. They especially didn't leave me specific instructions on when and how to open it as they did with this one, but who knows. When I opened the present it seemed normal enough, but then it did something strange. You see, it- well, I shouldn't just tell you outright, let me go back a bit to that night, a while before I opened it. It started something like this:

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Woosh. Bam.

"God be damned non-antilock brakes. Stupid lying assholes gotta go and sell me……………………….."

My cursing continued in a long and steady stream as I pushed the little button that would release me from my now locked seat belt. I shoved the door open and stepped out into the snow that was blowing around fiercely, already at least a foot deep around my boot clad feet. Slowly, being careful not to slip, I walked around to the front of my car to check out the damage and sighed with relief when I noticed that I'd simply hit a snow-covered ditch.

Deciding that I'd better get home before the heavy snowfall turned into a full blown blizzard, I turned around and got back into my car, backing away from the bank slowly until I pushed the stick back into first gear and was on my way once again.

It took me about fifteen more minutes to get home since I had to go so slowly down the road to keep from sliding again. There was nothing that pissed me off more than my car sliding when I'm only going two miles an hour.

I stepped out of my car cautiously, eyeing the driveway and the few trees in my front yard. You see, there is this great and terrible beast that lives out in the woods around my house and I have to be careful not to wake it. It will take any excuse it can get to attack somebody and it very upset when woken. One day I had the misfortune of doing exactly that and since then the creature has had a grudge against me like you wouldn't believe. Sometimes it waits up for me just so that it can attempt to maul me once again, and most of the time, unfortunately, it gets the upper hand.

I took my first step towards the front door, wincing as the snow crunched loudly below my feet (at least it seemed loud). I jerked my head around, searching for movement, but there was nothing. I took another few steps and froze, I thought I'd heard something, but after a moment of nothing I decided that it must've been the wind- it didn't occur to me until later that there was no wind that night. My next step, however, was my downfall. As soon as my foot touched the ground I knew I was doomed, let the mauling commence. My feet went flying out from under me on the ice patch and I landed hard on my back letting out a certain loud expletive with the beginning of F.

I lay in the snow for a moment, contemplating my life. Was it all really worth this? Perhaps when I got inside I would simply drown myself in the toilet and rid myself of this nonsensical world. But alas, my thoughts were interrupted when I heard a small scratching noise and looked up. It would've been too much to hope for that I could avoid him tonight. There were his eyes, glittering maliciously in the darkness. The creature of my nightmares, the fiercest of beasts still alive today, the creature that would take my very soul if it could: the chipmunk, Diablo (or so I'd dubbed him).

I stood up slowly, my movements cautious, not wanting to provoke him any further. His lips seemed to curl up into an evil smile, or perhaps it was just my imagination, but his eyes were definitely glinting with evil intent. I took a step towards the house; he took a step down the tree. We stared at each other, our eyes locked the silent showdown that we seemed doomed to repeat for all eternity. I shifted my eyes towards my front door. Could I make it? Would I be able to run to my door and unlock it before that little bastard got to me? Not a chance in hell. It looked like I would have to outsmart the little bugger.

Which, by the way, was easier said than done. Our feud began- it seemed- before time itself, it was age old and we were familiar with each other's moves. I was sure he caught that glance towards the door, he knew what I was planning. He was faster than me on the ground, but perhaps if I could get him to slip on the ice- no, he would never fall for that. I would have to just make a run for it; it was my only chance. I got down into a running position, hands in the snow, butt in the air, and looked to him as he readied himself, crouching low on the branch. I nodded to him and he seemed to do so back, but it could've just been my imagination.

I counted to three in my head and was off. I heard his scurrying along the branch and then the muffled sound of him in the snow. What was a chipmunk doing awake in the middle of winter anyway? I couldn't ponder the subject much longer because I caught the sound of him leaping out of the snow, presumable towards me. I ducked and Diablo went flying over my head, landing on the ice in front of me. Unlike me, however, he didn't slip out of control, he turned around as he slid and came to a stop. Suave little shit, he was. I feinted to the left and took off to the right, momentarily gaining some ground. I jumped around him as he slid on the ice once again, trying to turn around and run back towards me (you see, he'd just taken a leap at me again). I jammed the key into the door and turned it, throwing it open.

I turned to slam the door shut just in time to see a small ball of fur inches away from my face. Diablo collided with my head, digging his claw into either side of my face and holding on as tightly as his little hands could. I fell backwards, letting forth a string of profanities strong enough to strip paint off a battle ship fifty miles away. I attempted to pry him off but only managed to fall on my ass. It was then that I got an idea. I turned over and threw my head at the floor, hoping to knock him unconscious. Unfortunately, he realized what I was doing and ran up over my head, down my back, and attached himself to my ankle digging in as he'd done to my face and biting at my Achilles tendon.

I screamed and reached back, tore him off my foot, and threw him out the door as hard as I could. He landed on his feet, spun around again, and began to run back towards me. I stood as quickly as I could with my throbbing ankle, grabbed the door, and slammed it just as he took another flying leap. I was rewarded with a satisfying little thump as he hit the door. I smiled to myself. 'Take that you little shit.'

I'd won for today.

A/N: Hey let me know what you think of it! I'm having a lot of fun writing this story, the next chapter will pick up a bit more with the plot.


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